DIVORCE... it is all too common now a days but it shouldn't be. I say this being a divorced person. Yes I see how hypocritical that is. I have a million reasons for why it didn't work. I could name a million things he did or said or didn't say or do. I could list off all my good qualities and say I fought hard.
But the truth is we both sucked. We both messed up in one way or another. That is over now. I think that is what a lot of divorced people don't get. That all that stuff that he or she did while you were married...well it doesn't matter anymore. If you don't have kids you wash your hands of them and walk away better or worse but you walk away. When you have kids the game is completely different. It's all about the kids and how to best handle their needs. Well that is how it should go.
I had to go to this parenting class for our divorce.It's required in the state of Florida if you have kids. It was on how to not get into arguments in front of them and really handle the other person without pushing their "buttons". Also all the legal actions you can take if needed to handle the kid(s).
Well I went with my ex-husband. We walked in late and we saw the faces of the people in the class as we walked in together. We even made some jokes when having to talk about stuff. But mostly people were surprised and impressed that we were so "OK". Not pulling each others hair out or yelling at each other. You know the other sad part... we were among the youngest people there.
We were the cliche-married young, baby barely before saying "I DO", young love, crazy stupid and of course we are now getting a divorce. Well we had a huge hill to climb and it's amazing we made it as far as we did. We dealt with a family member fighting cancer, huge career loss, kidney failure and of course money problems. The baby was never a reason we were stressed, in fact he made it all worth it. I think a couple much older and married longer would have had a struggle with what we had dealt. Maybe they would have made it and maybe not. End the end we didn't make it.
I don't say this in a sad frame of mind, we are both happy now and I like him a lot better and we are happily raising our son like this now. It was the right choice.
That is the point. That you end off. You are done. There is no more throwing fits over crap they said or did. Hearing some of the things these people were saying or doing to their Exes was just pathetic. Get it together people.
Being the bigger person is just that, we are the bigger people. We are who our son looks at for advice. He looks at us as examples. Of course we were not a good example of a married couple.So we will be the best examples of individual parents working together to raise an awesome boy. He sees that. He knows we both love him dearly and that is what it means to be bigger. Not bigger then your Ex because that doesn't matter anymore.
I do think divorce sucks. It was rough and a damn hard thing to go through. I went through this while being on dialysis. While some people think that seems even worse. It gave me space to focus on myself and spend time with my son.It gave me time to do spiritual enhancement that was so needed. Divorce paled in comparison to the scary things I heard from doctors everyday or tests I had to do. My Ex remained my friend when I needed him. But I really learned that I am much stronger then I had thought. Being happy was pretty easy because I didn't focus on the past or look too far into the future. I was there everyday doing what I needed to and enjoying every bit that I could. I am bigger now then I was then. I am a completely different person from just a year ago. I am thankful for my experiences.I know just how "real" life can get. I do not take lightly the fact that I have what I have. The reality of just how lucky I am, I will share in another post on another night. I will say, that I am thankful for an Ex who was able to be the bigger person when I needed him. I am thankful that life has been even on it's worst days so good to me.
The point of this post may have gotten lost in there. It's late and I must admit to getting caught up in the memory of such a crazy time.
Life is good here. Boy is sleeping next to me (his luxury to me being single), dog snoring loudly from her bed and the only thing lighting the room is my laptop.
So I'll end with being the bigger person can lead to a very happy kid and a happy life.
Goodnight
Best Always,
Carly
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