Dating...

Dating.. yeah that is what I want to talk about because it's something I hear a lot about. Some things I've been told when discussing the idea are  "You're too picky" or "Well, you have a kid so you should be picky".  Does anyone else see the major problem here?

So when someone doesn't have kids they should be less picky. Hmmm...I think that sucks! I think everyone has the right to be picky and damn right should be!

Yes, I have things that I may need and want because I have a child but I would have things either way and they aren't that different. Being picky really just means knowing what you want. Although girls are very rarely known for this, I am happy to break the mold and say, I do know what I want. I hope more girls will do the same!

So my question is, why should someone not be "picky"? It seems in this day and age I see very little people who are actually "too picky". I don't know about other divorced people but I am sure as hell not doing that again! That being said that statistic for second time marriages ending in divorce in America is around 74% and first time is at a little under 43%. Learned that gem of data at my Florida required parenting class for my divorce. Even knowing those depressing numbers I still want to get married again and I still want the life I had planned. 

The thing I would like to say and not to just divorced people is, be picky! Sit down and figure out what you want and need. I don't know anyone who actually regrets taking a little extra time to get to know someone. Even better getting to know what YOU want. I guess this rant is coming from someone who knew what she wanted and has yet to stop wanting that. Making sure someone is in the same game as you is pretty darn important. It's like when you're a kid and you just aren't that into playing soccer and  would rather play kick ball. Well, it would suck always having to play soccer wouldn't it? Eventually you'd quit because that was never the game you wanted to play, right? Well, finding someone who wants to play the same game is pretty essential.

The reason I hear so many people divorce or end relationships are "we just wanted different things" or "We were going in different directions". Sometimes things change or people change. I'm not saying my plan is fool proof, in fact I guarantee it's not. But I do think knowing what you want and putting that before anything or anyone else will limit your chances of saying or hearing those things.

I will admit I am new to dating in general, let alone dating as a single mom. I find solace in knowing what I want and knowing life throws us curve balls. Also that compromise is a must. That being said, this crap is weird.

So I will go on being "too picky" and not because I have a child because I value myself and the relationship I want to create. Life can be crazy, hard, fun, sad and all over the place. I'd like to find someone who has weathered the storm a bit and isn't going to quit at the first sign of rain. Because there will be rain!

Thank you for reading my self indulgent rant on life, love and a little self respect.

I hope it made you think and if you have advice on this crazy subject, I am all ears!

Goodnight!

Best always,
Carly

Being the Bigger Person

DIVORCE... it is all too common now a days but it shouldn't be. I say this being a divorced person. Yes I see how hypocritical that is. I have a million reasons for why it didn't work. I could name a million things he did or said or didn't say or do. I could list off all my good qualities and say I fought hard. 
But the truth is we both sucked. We both messed up in one way or another. That is over now. I think that is what a lot of divorced people don't get. That all that stuff that he or she did while you were married...well it doesn't matter anymore. If you don't have kids you wash your hands of them and walk away better or worse but you walk away. When you have kids the game is completely different. It's all about the kids and how to best handle their needs. Well that is how it should go. 

I had to go to this parenting class for our divorce.It's required in the state of Florida if you have kids. It was on how to not get into arguments in front of them and really handle the other person without pushing their "buttons". Also all the legal actions you can take if needed to handle the kid(s).

Well I went with my ex-husband. We walked in late and we saw the faces of the people in the class as we walked in together. We even made some jokes when having to talk about stuff. But mostly people were surprised and impressed that we were so "OK". Not pulling each others hair out or yelling at each other. You know the other sad part... we were among the youngest people there. 
We were the cliche-married young, baby barely before saying "I DO", young love, crazy stupid and of course we are now getting a divorce. Well we had a huge hill to climb and it's amazing we made it as far as we did. We dealt with a family member fighting cancer, huge career loss, kidney failure and of course money problems. The baby was never a reason we were stressed, in fact he made it all worth it. I think a couple much older and married longer would have had a struggle with what we had dealt. Maybe they would have made it and maybe not. End the end we didn't make it. 

I don't say this in a sad frame of mind, we are both happy now and I like him a lot better and we are happily raising our son like this now. It was the right choice. 

That is the point. That you end off. You are done. There is no more throwing fits over crap they said or did. Hearing some of the things these people were saying or doing to their Exes was just pathetic. Get it together people. 

Being the bigger person is just that, we are the bigger people. We are who our son looks at for advice. He looks at us as examples. Of course we were not a good example of a married couple.So we will be the best examples of individual parents working together to raise an awesome boy. He sees that. He knows we both love him dearly and that is what it means to be bigger. Not bigger then your Ex because that doesn't matter anymore. 

I do think divorce sucks. It was rough and a damn hard thing to go through. I went through this while being on dialysis. While some people think that seems even worse. It gave me space to focus on myself and spend time with my son.It gave me time to do spiritual enhancement that was so needed. Divorce paled in comparison to the scary things I heard from doctors everyday or tests I had to do. My Ex remained my friend when I needed him. But I really learned that I am much stronger then I had thought. Being happy was pretty easy because I didn't focus on the past or look too far into the future. I was there everyday doing what I needed to and enjoying every bit that I could. I am bigger now then I was then. I am a completely different person from just a year ago. I am thankful for my experiences.I know just how "real" life can get. I do not take lightly the fact that I have what I have. The reality of just how lucky I am, I will share in another post on another night. I will say, that I am thankful for an Ex who was able to be the bigger person when I needed him. I am thankful that life has been even on it's worst days so good to me.

The point of this post may have gotten lost in there. It's late and I must admit to getting caught up in the memory of such a crazy time. 

Life is good here. Boy is sleeping next to me (his luxury to me being single), dog snoring loudly from her bed and the only thing lighting the room is my laptop. 

So I'll end with being the bigger person can lead to a very happy kid and a happy life. 

Goodnight

Best Always,
Carly

Short Re-Cap of Us

I am getting this going again after a very long hiatus. I am back to writing.. about well my life. Not sure why I stopped probably because I was CRAZY busy and still am. I just realized I have all these thoughts about being a single mom, with a transplant, working, cooking, playing and possibly dating. I would like a place to put all these thoughts. My head is so full of so many other things that I just thought I would spew them out at you and like them or not they are out of my head. 
So there! 
I will make this just a re-cap of what has been going on and will be catching everything up in the following posts. 

Since I have been away a year has almost passed since I have received my kidney. That is a very big topic which I will be writing more about soon. But in short for now, I have a very heavy letter to write and a lot of emotion I have to confront for writing said letter. 


My boy is doing amazing and as always life revolves around him.

Dating has not really been attempted. It seems super weird to me still. Not sure how to go about it. It's an awfully big leap to make to just go out out on a date. After being married, divorced and having the year I have had. It seems like a real far fetched idea this dating thing. For me anyway. Any thoughts on that? I am more then willing to hear you out.

My life is crazy busy but I think most moms are. I do try and really appreciate the fact that my life has gone so miraculously well. I mean I got an organ right on time! C'mon that is hitting the jack pot!

I will be writing more about life AKA my boy and all that surrounds us. 

Best always, 

Carly 

Halloween

Logan got a Flash costume from Grandma Epps and a Hulk costume for his Birthday. I think he is now at around 20 costumes, which are all thoroughly used and loved.

Here he is in both costumes, one wore to school and the other tick or treating!

Just the two of us

Here some of the photos that I got taken by K&K photography also friends of mine. I mentioned Ana here http://adamcarlyandlogan.blogspot.com/2011/12/we-did-it.html about running a 5k with her. Her husband Jeff took the photos but she is also a very talented photographer. Among of course many things like mom, wife and friend. 

Jeff took these ones while Ana stayed home with the babies. I won the photo shoot from a school raffel.   It was the best thing I have ever gotten, let alone won. I love every  photo of so much. He totally captured Logan on every level and our relationship. 

Check out more beautiful photos but these wonderful photographer at 

http://blog.kandkphotography.com/

Enjoy!

There was more..

He also did a dance number with his friends. This was choreographed by his Friend Navy's mom who is dancing in the front. That amazing woman, is pregnant with twins and choreographed two dances for the show!



It was super cute and the kids had a great time!

                                                     Here are the guys before the show.

                                                   Logan and his friend Navy after the show.