Unexpected and unwanted

I'm currently writing this from my hospital bed. This has been one of the longest weeks of my life. It was the first time since ever that Logan spent a night away from Adam and I and it was also the first time I was put under. I ended up here after going to the Dr. because of having weird symptoms for the past 6 months, that were getting progressively worse. I was dizzy, nausea, tired all the time, getting bloody noses, cramps all over my body and blurred vision. I wanted to go to a natural path and skip going to an MD. (Yes, I have learned my lesson) Adam and my mother-in-law fortunately made an appointment for me and forced me to see their doctor. I went in told him everything and did a quick blood test. He thought I could be pregnant since I hadn't had a period in about 3 months but that it wasn't showing up in tests because I was anemic. I was kind of excited about the possibility of being pregnant and boy would that have been nice. I was planning on getting pregnant next July but have been thinking about babies allot recently.

But sad to say that was not the out come. I was called first thing the next morning and told I needed to come into the office right away. That it was urgent and very important. Once there I was told that I was extremely anemic and that I had close to no kidney function. I was in shock and scared. I was driven to the hospital by my wonderful father-in-law. Adam met me there and didn't leave my side hardly at all the entire 6 days I was stuck there. Once checked in and in a room I was wheeled off to get a catheter placed and then got my first of many dialysis treatments. I now almost a week later, have come to terms with this new life I have. I have almost embraced the challenge. I am determined to get through this better and stronger then before. I know that somewhere I messed up and didn't properly take care of my self.

I am going to put on a transplant list asap and most of my family are going to be tested to see if any of them are a match.

I know that I'll be ok. I really don't have too many regrets because have Logan and Adam, who knows if I would if I would have found this sooner.

Life continues to throw us challenges but at the end of the day the only one who can make life better is yourself. I will be reorganizing my life and taking good care of myself and family. Because I won't be beat be by this or anything else. I have too much to do.

So I won't have a bikini body this summer (due to the tube hanging out of it) but I can live with that. And for a short bit we will have a new normal.

Life is ok and I'm ok.